Crazy Rants

Next Saturday marks a full year since my move to Los Angeles.

As you may or may not know from one of my tweets yesterday, I received last night a depressing email:
an “automatic Delivery Status Notification” telling me that “delivery to writersontheverge@nbcuni.com has failed.“
Translation: my NBC/Writers on the Verge 2012 application was not delivered.
The kicker is that I’m getting this message a full month after I sent out said application (for the two people who don’t know, the deadline was end of June).
Yes, I did e-mail WOTV back, just in case, but who am I kidding here.
It’s over a month too late for any “new” application to be accepted, regardless of when it was originally sent out.

In between the tears and hair-pulling, I began to curse the heavens.
Why me?!

Don’t worry, I’m not gonna go into a philosophical debate right now.
Well, not entirely.

Let’s go back to me yelling at an imaginary person in the sky:
Why me?!
Why is the world against me? Why did the delivery notice not arrive minutes after the e-mail pinged back, but literally a month later? Why did HD DVD lose to Blu-Ray?

And then, like [insert tired simile about a bolt of lightning, a slap or a ton of bricks], it hit me:
It happened to me because it happened to me. It is what it is.
What I mean by this very generic assembly of words is that, in my case, I could as much curse my luck as bless it.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, right?
And on my side, it’s plenty green.
After all, I did get my own Green Card (Green? Get it?) a little over a year ago.
Not a lot of people can say that in these neck of H-woods.
(As far as I know, only Dominic Purcell won his. No, really.)

“Why me?!” works both ways.
You can be thankful or ungrateful.
Pour yourself another half-glass of vodka and you’ll get it.

The end?
Not yet.

This isn’t a tale about how everything happens for a reason.
Hell, this isn’t a tale.
This is life.
I could whine all day about how everything’s going wrong.
Or I could suck it up.

Even if the application was never received, was it a waste of my time?
Did I really write a spec only to impress a nameless judge?
Do I have to continue asking these obvious rhetorical questions for dramatic effect?
Of course not.

I write because I want to write. Nay. I write because I have to write.
I don’t need a reason, I don’t need an excuse.
Whatever happened to my application, at least it allowed me share my writing (even to the Internet ether).

No tears will be shed at the loss of my Writers on the Verge application.
Better luck next time.

In conclusion, there is no conclusion.
You don’t have to see this industry (or life) as an everyday battle, but know this:
Fact: Setbacks happen.
Fact: You will be remembered by what you do, not by what you shoulda coulda woulda done.
Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

Clearly, this long-winded (and hilarious) post was meant more for me than anyone else.
But maybe, hopefully, it was a little helpful for you as well.

Catharsis: unlocked.


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Post image for The iPad: Where’s the objectivity?

I came across an article by New York Times’ David Pogue about the polarizing aspect of the iPad.
He writes:

The haters tend to be techies; the fans tend to be regular people.
Therefore, no single write-up can serve both readerships adequately. There’s but one solution: Write separate reviews for these two audiences.
Read the first one if you’re a techie. (How do you know? Take this simple test. Do you use BitTorrent? Do you run Linux? Do you have more e-mail addresses than pants? You’re a techie.)
Read the second review if you’re anyone else.

Besides the fact that this article is stuck in a 1999 cliché of what a “techie” is, my problem with this is Pogue gives a false sense of objectivity (showing both sides of the coin).
The thing is, not only is the so-called “anti” review comprised of just a basic spec list, but the whole article is overwhelmingly biased towards the iPad.
The “pro” review (three times the size of its counterpart), praises the same aspects of the tablet that, well, everyone else seems to praise (regardless of if they’re actually good/relevant/comparable, or not).

As I was reading through the review, it became clear that the author was enamored with the device – and so was the rest of the press corps.
Save for those few “techie” websites, every news outlet raves about the iPad, totally disregarding its many flaws.
Everyone is saying how “revolutionary” is is. And both Newsweek and Time have made iPad their covers.

The problem is that they’re buying their own hype.

Apple declares the product “magical”, and then on the other end the press emphasizes it to the point where you don’t know if some massive brainwash has occurred.

It’s as if people are more than happy to jump on the Apple bandwagon instead of taking a step back, and provide reasonable critical thinking.

The press is duping the public in thinking that a severely limited $500 tablet is better than a versatile $300 computer.
We all know people love to touch their stuff, but come on.
You can’t throw away all your other devices (laptop, home-computer, phone), and just use the iPad (that kinda looks like a clunky iPhoto Frame).

Apple knows their niche and exploited it to the max.

Wall Street Journal’s Walter Mossberg says:

After spending hours and hours with it, I believe this beautiful new touch-screen device from Apple has the potential to change portable computing profoundly, and to challenge the primacy of the laptop.

If I understand this right, a tablet with a 4:3 screen and the same processor as my phone will replace my computer that has ten times the specs and power.
I’m sorry but intuitiveness is not the only thing that should make or break a technological device. Especially one that is positioning itself as a laptop-killer.

Going back to the New York Times article:

The iPad’s killer app, though, is killer apps. Apple says that 150,000 existing iPhone apps run on the iPad.

How are phone apps working on a fake laptop supposed to be a “killer app”?
For that matter, how is a laptop having apps anything new?
Ever heard of something called “software”? You know that your netbook can run programs too, right?
And they’re not limited by the iTunes store.
I can understand why having exclusive apps for the iPhone that no other phone can do might be interesting, but if your laptop-killer can’t even run laptop-level apps (Photoshop?) , you’ve got a problem.

And no, it can’t handle Adobe Flash.
What’s the reasoning? Steve Jobs says it’s “buggy.”
Nice personal vendetta.
Again, I can understand why the iPod Touch might not be able to handle Flash, especially seeing that web-surfing is not its primary component.
On the other hand, the iPad is marketed as a device made for web-surfing. And yet it can’t fully access it.
Steve Jobs called the iPad “the best web experience you’ve ever had,” though why shell out $500+ to only access a tenth of web content?

There’s also no multitasking, or more specifically app concurrency.
This is not hyped to be a one-app device, and yet you cannot run two apps at the same time (despite the size and speed).

Regarding its e-book capabilities, and the fact that the iPad is not an e-Reader, we’ve already covered that part in full detail.
Though I do get annoyed when the iPad’s e-reading function is praised for details like:

When you turn a page, the animated page edge actually follows your finger’s position and speed as it curls, just like a paper page.

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that an animation of a page turning was more important than the actual book page.
When you read a book, do you spend much time looking at how cool the page turning is, or more time reading the actual thing?

This ode to the iPad has even reached television, with Modern Family dedicating this week an episode to the device.
I don’t know what is scarier: the fact that an entire storyline was crafted around the iPad, or that Apple didn’t have to pay for it.

Time Magazine’s review does have an interesting point towards its very end:

The iPad shifts the emphasis from creating content to merely absorbing and manipulating it. It mutes you, turns you back into a passive consumer of other people’s masterpieces. In that sense, it’s a step backward.

The iPad is a media consumption device, but it’s too damn limited.

Which brings me to Final Draft.
You’ve probably heard by now that the company is developing an app for the iPad.
The Final Draft app will primarily be designed to make small edits here and there, but I get the feeling that, even with a great screenwriting app, the iPad isn’t comfy enough for script edits.
Typing pages of text on a virtual keyboard? You must be joking. You can’t even write on your lap.
Except for short e-mails or messages, not much will be able to be done it feels like.
I’m still waiting to see how this one plays out though.

I think Engadget’s Ross Miller nailed it when he described the iPad as:

A jack of some trades, a master of none.

The press felt bummed out they didn’t call the iPod or the iPhone as the game-changer they were, so this time around they’re all too keen to declare the iPad as the greatest gadget that ever was.
I’m not saying the iPad will bomb (it probably won’t), I’m just expecting a little more neutrality from a medium that is supposed to be unbiased and shouldn’t get “all tingly inside” when reporting about a flawed device.

And as for why ABC and CBS putting their TV shows on the iPad for free is a dangerous thing, that’s a story for another time.


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Today it was announced that Yankee’s A-Rod “turned down multiple overtures to host Saturday Night Live.
As he puts it:

I finally figured out to make the game the priority. Ultimately I am a baseball player. This is what I do best and what I should be concentrating on.

I say that’s very good news.
However, some people seem to disagree:

What???? How could that be? Doesn’t he know that hosting “SNL” is one of the perks of being a superstar New York athlete? Turning down the chance to host “Saturday Night Live” is like telling Oprah Winfrey, “No thanks, I’d rather not be on your show.” It’s just not done!

This might be a good analogy if you were an actor/actress, or an entertainer.
We’re here talking about a professional sportsman.
I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but I doubt many people enter pro sports to one day host SNL.
“Geez I wish I could meet Lorne Michaels… If only I had 14 gold medals. I bet that would be a good way to do it.“
Not only that, but if I were an athlete even remotely interested in this, I’d reconsider simply based on the fact that, you know, I can’t act.

Need I remind you peeps of the last time a sports guy hosted the show?


Reading from a teleprompter is not the same thing as being funny.
Even Christopher Walken knows that.

This trend has especially intensified these last couple of years with Peyton Manning, LeBron James, Michael Phelps, and, point out above, Charles Barkley (arguably one of the worst SNL host of all time).
As we already saw last September, the latest seasons’ hosts (save for a few) haven’t really been varied, or even good.
We should rejoice that an athlete turned down Saturday Night Live and save us eye-bleeds (even for the wrong reasons).


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Well, that surely was riveting (not).
Sure, The Hurt Locker probably wasn’t the best 2009 movie, but nowadays I’m happy if good work is even recognized.
So, yay.

I was pleasantly surprised by Neil Patrick Harris’ opening number.
At least they know who to call for these sorta things.

On the other hand, this didn’t really show much confidence in Alec Baldwin/Steve Martin’s duo (not even seen on stage until the fifth minute).
Twice the host, half the screentime.


The banter following their arrival felt tame at best.
It almost seemed as if they were listing a bunch of famous celebrities in hopes that fangirls all around would “squee”. Alas that wasn’t the case.
Clooney certainly didn’t seem to care about the ceremony.
The jokes themselves didn’t feel much inspired.
Case in point with James Cameron’s “micro-roast” that revolved around, you guessed it, 3-D glasses.

Did anyone else notice that, right after Steve Martin made his joke about Christoph “Jew Hunter” Waltz having hit “the motherload”, they cut to…Ethan Coen?!
Bad taste much?

I was surprisingly surprised at one win: Best Foreign Language Film.
Seemed as if Das Weisse Band was going to get it. Ended up going to El Secreto de Sus Ojos.
Yes, I’m happy about that.

Another shock came when Michael Giacchino was given the Oscar for Best Original Music.
No, I wasn’t shocked because he had won, rather because he hadn’t won before that.
Indeed, this was his first Academy Award ever.
What a shame it didn’t happen sooner. Though great speech.
Incidentally, I’m actually listening to one of the Lost soundtracks as I’m writing this.
And a note to Jennifer Lopez: it’s pronounced Ja-Key-No.

Continuing on the Lost–related talk:
If you were thinking that J.J. Abrams, or, hell, even Terry O’Quinn/Michael Emerson, were going to win an Oscar way before the guy playing Minkowski, think again.

If you’re wondering about that “Kanye West” moment, as people are calling it now, check this out.

Up winning best animated film was a disappointment.
I wish Coraline or Fantastic Mr. Fox had the award.

What’s up with Colin Farell being Jeremy Renner’s actor-buddy on stage and talking about SWAT?!
Weren’t TPTB able to get, I don’t know, any co-star from The Hurt Locker?
Seriously, who thought we would hear about that SWAT movie ever again, let alone at the Academy Awards?

Anyhow, the horror tribute was a bit weird since it included a bunch of movies I’d describe as belonging to the “fantasy” genre (Edward Scissorhands to name just one).

Speaking of, the award for the scariest moment of the evening goes to:


Who knew a comedian painted in blue was going to be a highlight.
Haven’t seen that on TV since a guy named Tobias.

Notice my total lack of thought regarding the major categories.
That’s because I don’t have any.
I’m obviously happy for Bigelow (they took their sweet time to make the historic kudos).
Big “duh” for all the other wins.
And that’s about it.

To finish us off, here’s the genius Modern Family promo they made especially for the Oscars:


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Post image for I am an asshole.

Just as Yom Kippur ends, I find out someone has posted the following comment regarding my “Fringe is unoriginal” post:

If you honestly think that your stupid post will steer people away from watching Fringe, YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN! Grow up, asshole!

Okay, my cover has been blown: I’m an immature asshole.

Indeed, I’m really bitter about being rejected from the Fringe writing staff so I decided to write a two-parter out of pure spite.
That’s basically the same reason why Jon Stewart decided to bash CNBC. The network had rejected him the year prior from being their new spokesperson.

I acknowledge that Sliders and the Kromaggs are pure inventions of mine that I retroactively created after seeing the Fringe Season Two premiere.
I went back in time impersonating both Tracy Tormé and David Peckinpah, and later went on to get that “parallel universe show” made, with all the while in the back of my mind this vague idea that, a decade later, I would post on some semi-obscure blog how this awkwardly-named series Fringe looks so much like a poor man’s Sliders.

So, yeah, I agree with you that I’m an asshole for showing the many ways something pretending to “revolutionize a genre” or be “original” actually is not.

Secondly, I also admit that I was angling for people to stop watching Fringe altogether after reading my post.
Not to be an egomaniac on top of being an asshole, but it’s pretty obvious everyone follows my advices.

If we take a look at what happened in the past year:
- The Middleman ended its second season with ground-breaking ratings;
- Stephen Colbert was named president both in the Marvel universe and our actual universe;
- The Jay Leno Show got taken off the air a week before it premiered;
- The MacGruber movie was never made;
- And, just recently, Flight of the Conchords and Breaking Bad won Emmys for being the best shows in their categories.

Though, for the record, I wasn’t asking anyone to stop watching Fringe. I was merely pointing out the awkward similitude the show has with another science-fiction series dating back to the mid-90s.

Mea culpa.


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