Over the past few months, I have received a few e-mails asking me where I’ve been, where I’ve gone, what happened to me.
One message even pondered (rhetorically?) if I was dead. Spoiler alert: not yet — unless this is all part of some weird meta/viral campaign for a new Syfy show about hunting ghosts online.
I admit, there has been a lack of posting on my part, both on the site, as well as through the Twitterverse (At least I used to be a little more chatty).
The truth is that I haven’t been feeling that great for a while (understatement).
Shawna over at Shouting into the Wind calls it “the dark cloud.”
In fact, she wrote an amazing piece almost two years ago about her own struggle with clinical depression.
Although I don’t have an MDD, I had my own bout with depression last year.
But no Debbie Downers here!
This post isn’t about the past, it isn’t about filling a creative fetish of “artists must suffer to be good”, and it’s certainly not about having a pity party.
Reality is that most of us writers have been at some point in a dark place and/or through dark times.
And when you get there, the drive to be creative dissipates. And then you don’t want to talk or reply to anyone.
You end up settling into a rut. Alone. A vicious downward spiral.
During the holidays, I took a 3-week break to go back to Europe. It was the first time I had been back there since moving to Los Angeles (for those not keeping track, that’s almost four years ago). London, Paris, Metz, Strasbourg, Anglars. Lots of cities in a few days.
Even with Skype or Facebook, there’s nothing that rivals seeing family and old friends in person again. Needless to say, it was quite a trip.
Earlier this week, I returned to LA.
After all these months, I feel like I’m finally starting to get back on my feet.
This entry may be getting a little intimate, but A TV Calling started out as a personal blog. A log of my journey into this unique industry.
Over the years, there’s a bond that forms between a writer and a reader. On some level, you can call it trust.
I wanted to acknowledge the reason behind my absence. Firstly, out of respect for my readership.
But I also wanted needed to show that there’s a life outside these posts. This isn’t usually the stuff people shout from rooftops, yet words on a page don’t always explain what’s going on “in real life”.
Despite my lack of response and presence in the past few months, I am truly touched by the feedback and letters I’ve been getting, on and off the blog.
A writer never wants to write in a vacuum, and having people read and comment on/about one’s content is galvanizing, to say the least.
I love you guys.
There’s a saying from Galaxy Quest that I’ve always appreciated: “Never give up. Never surrender.”
It may sound a bit trite, but it’s still very pertinent.
We are who we are, not because of the result of our victories, but because of the way we handle our defeats.
This is an idea that can easily get lost in the abyss of this industry.
I was glad to get out of here for a few weeks mainly because it is hard to get any perspective when you’re in the middle of it.
And then you return. You get up. You try to face your problems as best you can. The hopeless road may not be as hopeless as it previously seemed.
And the last step could be to write this rambling post.
Maybe none of it made sense. Maybe this is just another meaningless comeback in the life of this site.
But you know what? Fuck it.
I’m back.
P.S.: To all those wondering, the 2014 Spec Script list will be posted somewhere around March(-ish).
